My Unforgettable Past

is it my past thats stopping me from staying here?
is it because of my past that im scared of thats making me not stay?
is it because it feels, smells, taste too much like home but maybe im scared that way?
is it because starting all alone here makes me scared?
is it because my friends are not here to start with me?
is it because im afraid to make new friends?

one thought came to me today,

i love going back to singapore, i love going back for vacation. all my life dream has been going back to stay and have a life there.

but would i feel the same thing when i go back there?
can i stay in singapore if i have a choice again?
things changed.....maybe if i have a choice right now to go back ill probably be scared too

im losy totally lost.
my past is in my way.
its too much to talk about my past,
either i find home now and make new friends, or i can find it 2 years later.

and my mom too.
she keeps infering that without her im a worthless piece of shit.

im lost, not confused.....
can god show me a sign tonight?