Love it or Hate it

im startin to wonder....actually not wonder....realize...

people now adays go for good looks and not the heart....
i mean i got for good looks too but i look at the heart too....
but most people just go for good looks....
im just a teenager that didnt listen to my mom to use those stuff to make my face better thats why i have so many pimples...

but as i grow i start to realize it and im using them now...

im born like that and i dont want to look like that, but thats who i am.

im going to try my best to get a clean face.but still, i am who i am. i aint gonna change for anyone.

My 17th wish....

till now hasent come true.....

17 years and never one came true...

its just a simple one....

please whoever is up there listening to my wish....

please dont make me rewish that same wish last year....

i dont want to waste it...

PLEASE go vote for me

aight, i won this contest and now i need your vote to help me win the grand prize of $2500...click on successful californians and watch my video than go below and vote for me!!!!
thanks

www.collegecampaign.org/contest/Year-2/Judging2007-HS-video.html


please those that read my blog, tell all your friends to go vote for me, takes 5 secs...please....vote for me!!!!! tell friends to do it!!!

$1000 lucky? i call that PAY BACK!

alright so i participated in this "save me a spot in college" scholarship in march where people can write an essay or make a poster or a 30 sec tv ad and get a chance to win $1000, and out of people in california, my video was 1 out of 11 that got chosen and won $1000, and now we are the website and voting now, if i win again ill win grand prize of $2500 and my ad might be on tv.



here is the link

http://www.collegecampaign.org/contest/Year-2/Judging2007-HS-video.html

and guess wat?

i was wearing the same shirt in the video today when i got the phone call that i won. DEJA VU.....

anyways, this is for you fucking retard usless piece of shit father.
in YO FACE, i aint need your fucking money, ill get my own. take that
PAY BACKS a BITCH. and i like BITCHES.

word.

till now......

so till now....

i have had my heart broken 2 and a half times.

everytime i look at thier pictures.

similarity is that i never had a chance to try to even chase any of these girls.

shiwen
yong zhi
jackie

thats it....

never had a relationship before, dont know how to achieve one. but im loyal, and ill do what it takes even though i might not be rich, to make her feel in love, comfortable, secure.

but i never had a chance to do it....

pictures are just the only thing i can dream about.

WELCOME!!!!

WELCOME Miss MCHAN!!!!!!

this is where i blog

this is where i say

this is where i express

this is where i say what i feel

feel free to drop by anytime. you are the only one that knows about this in the states....so keep it a secret....

Try

Life is all about trying, but how do i know if i tried?how do i know if i should try?how do i know if its worth trying?how do i know if i never tried?

i tried my best to leave a good impression on her parents.
i tried my best to be as gentleman as i can.
i tried my best to keep calm when i knew she had a bf
i tried my best to make the wierd situation better by joking at the dinner table
i tried my best to impress her
i tried my best to dance happy
i tried my best to show her a good time
i tried my best to let her feel company with friends she know from my school
i tried my best to not make any misunderstanding's between her bf and her
i tried to walk her to the door. but she wouldnt let me
i tried to shake it off at work the next morning, but i couldnt
i tried to talk it off at my second job that night, bu i couldnt
i tried to wash it off when i got home, but i couldnt
i tried to sleep it off when i was in bed, but i couldnt
i tried to walk it off the next day in school, but i couldnt
i tried my best to not think about it but i couldnt
i TRIED my best to try
but i dont know if its worth trying,
if its good trying
if its okay to try
if its If i should try, cause i think i didnt try at all...
i havent try at all.....

if the end is not what i wanted, at least i can tell myself, I TRIED.

Thanks for the Memories/You talkin to me about DIGNITY and worthless?

alright, past few days have been really bad....since saturday....iv said this before and im going to say it agian, im strong on the outside, stronger than a diamond. but on the inside, im jsut as weak as any other man in this world. i want help but its my life, like friends have said, "SHIT HAPPENS, DEAL WITH IT." i know i have to to face it, just take it like a man, instead of sitting down and crying the whole day about a girl who didnt even like me and didnt even give a shit about me. why care? move on. as i was on my downfall in life, guess who came to save me. "miraculasly" enough, its my fucking dad.

so this is the history.
-my parents divorced when i was 5,6
-my dad has not support me for over 10 years until recently and between that time, he has been feeding off his MOMMY's money (who is like 95 now)
-he was sending money until i got mad and he hanged up me a couple months ago.
-than he called a couple months later and start sending money again.

so my mom was talking to him and saying, he should send me $6000 to help my first semester if he wants cause im going to be successful in life and all that jazz.

he fucking calls back the next day which is yesterday. and this is it.

fucking dad,"hey kingston after yesterday i feel that you have no dignity and are worthless."

me," fuck you! how dare you call me a person with no dignity. if you want to send me money than do it, if not fuck you."

fucking dad,"how dare you talk to me like that you son of a bitch. do you have any manners?

me," you fucking are the only person in the world that has no authority or position watsoever to call me worthless you son of a bitch!" than i hunged up......(burn one for him)

1 min later, he calls back.

fucking dad,"you son of a bitch how dare you talk to me like that."

me," you stfu you son of a bitch you are the one that started calling me son of a bitch, wheres your manners?(burn two for him).

fucking dad," im your dad, dont talk to me like that."

me," if you have trouble supporting a son thats going to be successful instaed of your other 2 worthless shitholes one that is still studying and one that is working under you when they are both 25 plus. (burn three for him.) and guess wat? you didnt support me for 10 years and i dont regard you as a fucking dad you son of a bitch. than i hang up.......(burn four for him).

1 minute later he calls back agian....

fucking dad,"you son of a bitch, dont talk to me like that, (sounds like he starts crying), than why did you call me and ask me to send money to you since you have dignity, you worthless piece of shit.let me talk to your mom.

me," you son of a bitch, you lived 10 years feeding of your mommys money so you have no right to talk to me about dignity you piece of shit.(burn five for him.) what you cant talk over me and now want to talk to my mom, come on man up and talk to me, wat nothing else to say?(burn 6 for him)

fucking dad,"its not that i dont want to talk to you but you have no manners you son of a bitch. get me.....! i hunged up (burn 7 for him)

1 min later he called back again.

fucking dad,"you son of a bitch you have no dignity and you are worthless."

me," you stfu up and stop only using son of a bitch." i hunged up again(burn 8for him.)

that was it.....he called 4 times....got burned 8 times got hunged up by me 4 times....and why he saved me? cause i fucking finally had a chance to SPIT at his fucking face. so im not getting money for college, but i had fun hanging up his phone.

things why he has no mother fucking position to call me no dignity and worthless

-he fed off his mommys money for over 10 years(no dignity+worthless)
-his other son and daughter are old enough to support themselves but daughter is still studying in singapore first year cause she went to australia for 2 years and got screwd by a boyfriend and didnt graduate. son is working under him as a loser brooker.
- im his son, if he calls me worthless, that means he is the worthless shit? lol

and so im all fired up and i was fucking shaking when i was on the phone, not SCARED.
i was MAD I waS READY TO KILL HIM IF HE IS INFRONT OF ME. i have never felt that angry and that before, i have never shaked in my life that strong. now i feel the power inside me, and im going to graduate and go back and i will find him for a fight. that pussy ass mother fucker.

so that boosted my confidence up and with jackie, i just think that, if you are telling me you have a boyfriend, you dont want me to talk you to your door. ill just give up cause maybe you aint meant for me either.

that was my week, thanks for listening. if you want to comment, go ahead. letting you know, im okay, with jackie, im almost over it. with dad. IM GOING TO FUCK HIM OVER WHEN I GET THE CHANCE. he will never ever get a chance to hang up on me even though he tried to call after those 4 calls, but me and my mom just turned of the phone.

thank you. and dad, FUCK YOU YOU PUSSY. IF YOU WANT SOME, COME FIND ME AND ILL GIVE YOU SOME.-John cena. word.

oh and pictures here....

Does she have a boyfriend?

so after a day of working and my heart bleeding the whole day and hurtin. iv came to a realisation. maybe she doesnt have a boyfriend?

does she have a boyfriend?

first, on her myspace page it says that she is single.

second, her "boyfriend" doesnt seem to have myspace.

third, how could her "boyfriend" let her go to her school's prom with another guy and than come to my senior ball?

fourth, i never knew she had a "boyfriend" until saturday.

fifth, she said her "boyfriend" is a sophmore.

finally, iv talked to alot of people today and relief myself so i dont go cut myself tonight, and after all the things iv heard. i decided, dont take any advice, im going to take this MY way.
i do what i do, i am who i am, its all in now, i only asked her out to senior ball, after that pretty much we are on our seperate ways...if i win this i win, if i lose this, than ill just be called a stalker in another girls life. but ill do what i do.

tommrrow night, ill call and ask if she has a boyfriend, and ill tell her i like her, iv fallen for her and i want her. and she better not have a "boyfriend"

Does she have a boyfriend?

she has a boyfriend.

alright, finally a place where i can write anything and no one in the states will read it....so i went to senior ball with jackie. she goes to christian brothers high school, junior, loves to play tennis. listen to all kinds of music, dont like rap. she loves green. she is hispanic. her dad owns 6 mcdonalds(including the one im working at now.)

oh and did i mention she has a BOYFRIEND.

so i went to pick her up....i bought her mom flowers too cause its mothers day the next day.(i think i left a pretty good impression.) than we were on the car....and so she has a voicemail that i love, so we were joking about me copying her voicemail on wednesday and i did copy it with like 20 takes and when we were on the car i told her to call me and she heard the voicemail, she was like laughing....i love that. than she said...well...tommrrow is going to be a hard day...i have to wake up at 5 and set up this mothers day walking thing and than im going to my BOYFRIEND's house

did i mention she has a boyfriend?

so we arive at ball, we were walking in and wind was blowing so hard...i took of my jacket(aka tux) and put it on her...(being a gentleman) and than i walked by friends and as you all know im like a legend here in school so this philipino kid goes, oh chin tan! wheres your jacket? im pointed at jackie and he goes, "oh snap chin tan!!" and than we walked a couple more steps and jackie takes off the jacket and gives it to me...(my heart got stabbed once that time, by the way im going to confront that guy tommrrow.) anyways...than we went in to the room and cause i bought my tickets late we were assigned a table and there was like 2 lesbians sitting next to us that were hella ugly....so i took her napkin and folded in to a thing that they do in high class restaurants that could stand, and i think she was impressed. than dinner was crap, she said she was hungry than after eating like a little bit cause they only served 2 platter...she said she was full and i know she was lying...than her BOYFRIEND msged her and wants to talk to her so she msgs back and say you know im here, leave me alone...as she was texting...as in she msged but she was like kinda talking to herself like leave me alone....and stuff....

oh and did i mention she has a boyfriend?

than we went on to the dance floor, thank god knew someone there so we were all dancing...and usually when you dance guys are behind the girls...but i was in front of her like 2 feet away cause i respect that she has a boyfriend and i didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable...but we slow danced 3 times where she has a arm wrapped around my neck and my hands around her waist.

oh and did i mention she has a boyfriend?

than we took pictures....and ya....as we are on the way back...i asked did you have fun? (of course girls say yes to be nice) so she said ya..it was cool...than i asked you okay with your bf? she said ya.....than when we arrived at her house. im ready to walk her to her door than she said, you dont have to walk me to my door im fine...(that stabbed my heart the second time.)

oh did i ever mention that she has a boyfriend?

so today i woke up after sleeping for like 4 hours cause i have work at 7. am and i slept at 2.am...than from 6.am when i woke up till now. my heart has just been bleeding the whole day....i dunno how long it gonna last....iv fallen for her...deeply.....and i dont know if she knows....but i called and left a msg and apologized for last nights awkrad situations cause it was my first time going out with a girl and she is in a relationship and i dont want to cause any misunderstanding. i had fun and i hope she did and i said at the end of the msg, "if sometime in the future, maybe we could do this again." and im waiting to get a call back.

oh ya...wait...did i ever ever mention that she has a boyfriend? (i didnt know until yesterday.)

date

and i do have a DATE FOR SENIOR BALL!!!!!! yes!!!!!!!

she is cute

pretty

plays tennis

sings in choir

.........ya....why am i even telling you this...damn

MARINE WORLD/SIX FLAGS!!!

yes!!!!! going to six flags on friday.....damn my computer finally came back, they had to fix my back light..damn it...but nvm..i got into hawaii..im going to study in travel industry management. and later going onto MBA and well see how it goes....lifes been okay, i take wat life throws at me...i take it well, i do wat i do, i be who i am....and im all good..im battle tested as kobe bryant once said. i get my things done...i think thats about it for those time that iv been "lost"....ya...ill talk some other time