Surrounded by your glory.....

i think new years resolution numbe 3 and 19 are well done and 99.9 percent accomplished.

3) stop spending too much money
19) stop gambling.....

i think im well on my way to my new years and school is starting next week, that means my scholarship money is on the way, and that means paying off credit card, and that means open cash to DO THE THING, (hint-relates to number 1 in new years resolution)

so erm........i still havent decided if to go with the plan, i guess things just always turn out the way you didnt plan.

4 months ago in hawaii on my laptop, i had everything planned out. nice and spotless. prefect. but nothing in there came to life. nothing, is it cause im lazy? dont think so, is it cause i cant follow the plan? dont think so, i think its cause the feelings just start to slowly drift away but everytime i see something related to it, my heart just bleeds and gets torn apart literally, it hurts....i dunno why.......it reallyhurts......i wish someone would make that pain stop and give me some happiness to heal my heart.........i dunno why but iv been praying to jesus recently, and i guess he answered most of my prayers.....

maybe like yz's mom said, i should go to churh maybe, you cant always rely on yourself to take care of everything, maybe everyone needs someone to share thier pain and happiness with when they have no one too...andmaybe the only person who is always there is him, the heavenly lord himself. like mercyme's song i can only imagine.....

i need a hug, just a sincere and truthful and warm hug, and i SWEAR that ill feel much BETTER