WARNING!This blog is just a way of realeasing what im feeling right now. if after reading blog tries to make a negative or bad or mean statement or comment, it will go againts copyrights kingston 2006 and will be brought to the court of justice. thank you, peace out and have fun reading.im just getting stuff out of my heart now, and i feel much better, so after YOU whoever reads this blog, im saying its just realeasing my anger and my frustration but if you really are pissed and dont agree to my statements, next time when i go back, its on, you want some come get some!
but its all over, choices, they decide your life and your future.
iv not been a school and study person my whole life,
i never did well on my PSLE that lead to me going to Tampines,
its no bad school, i can make the best out of it,
but coming out of it. might not be the best to my mom.
my mom, she is the soul and support and root of my life, she sacrifice all for me,
and what i can do is to do things to make her happy, while she is still here for me.
follow her orders, follow what she has in planned for me, my life, my future.
even if i want to live my own life, now is not the time, its when she leaves me, before than
ill try me best to make her happy, im bad tempered very easily. but i have patience which kinda conflicts but i dont see how that doesnt make sense. i argue with her alot, but we still love each other. but bottom line. the only regret for leaving and coming here is that i miss the chance other guys would have in the past or in the future, the chance to make you feel safe, make you feel special and make you feel loved. im just not the one i guess. for you that is. iv always just had these feelings that someway somehow we sorta connected with eachother. but i guess i was wrong again. few years ago your friendster profile had you being all sad and depressed. but after i saw you change it to look more optimistic, i was really happy for you, at least you are happy, but than i fell into the trap you came out of. before i was very optimistic, but time was right at that time and everything just kinda went away, my happiness, optimistic view of life and everything, i became maybe you can say, annoying,ignorant and other words that i dont usually use and dont know. i dont want to make your life miserable, annoying, and tired. i want to be your friend or maybe you want me out of the picture forever. i dunno, cause i dont even know if i would be able to face you once you meet the one that deserves to be with you. i dunno if ill be able to look in your eye and tell you you chose the right one and im happy that you are happy. i want friends now, i need friends. throughout mylife, its been hard and all you those out there trying to tell me wat to do here in STATES like getting friends and stuff just STFU, cause you dont understand things work here, never study here and coming to the city and the community im in, maybe your other friends say otherwise, but for me its different. since i came here, 5 good friends have always been my support till few years ago. totally broke out. i dont want to go over it all over the reason and stuff again. its tiring. but now that you have read till here, IM NOT DEPRESSED! im just blogging. ya, so going back, i tried to look for friends here, but it aint that simple, i have friends in school, im well known in school, very popular, i mean 3/4 of the school know me. thats alot. so ya, but sometimes its easy to have friends but hard to have a best friend and someone you could take to like everyday or msg or call. i had 1 best friend, that was weeho. but after i went to tpss, we lost that connection as best buddies. but we are still good friends, i met a good friend even as close as brothers, my roomate, Fu jiun, we live together, we sleep together, we study together, we eat together, we do everything together, we were brothers. and even when he doesnt call me ever since iv been here, when i go back, he was the only one that will say, "hey, if weeho or the others cant come out with you, call me, ill accompany you." he was the one that would cancel meetings and gatherings for me. im not saying everyone else should do it. but it just makes me sad that people can say" cannot la i not free, today going with friend to watch movie." dude its A FUCKING MOVIE! i watch almost 40 movies during summer break, they have something call DVD! but hey, its ex and sometimes renting is ex too but so wat? if its a movie that you missed while your america friend is here, i think its worth it that you spent time with him or her and go back and rent that damn tape or dvd! i dunno im just rambeling here, im suppose to go to sleep, but this summer i went back, everything was different. the 6 of us. all apart. maybe a couple was still close, but i was out, of the picture. and now the thing i think about almost everyday is, this, picture it. 5 years later, kingston goes back to singapore and starts working and find a job, wow! he has 5 other long friends but guess wat? they changed too! work, job, bf and gf and other friends. im going to be all lonely and making new friends. ya new friends, but guess wat? i dont have a fucking best friend. my roommate is not my best friend, he is my brother, i treat him like one and he does too. and brothers in our case, dont talk much, when we are in trouble, the others stick up for you, but other than that, just calling casually and catching up will do. where as other people in my life, friends, can be my best friends that can talk to me or call me when they feel down or watever. ya feel down. guess wat? listen to this, i guess ever since iv been in singapore till now, 10 years now? no one and no one, had ever call me and go"hey kingston, i feel kinda sad and lonely can i talk to you for a while?" or go like"hey, im kinda bored and lonely, can you comeout with me and hangout?" NO ONE! hey im asking for a best friend and im also selling myself to be a best friend. but guess maybe my definition of best friend might not fit you all, dont matter, i tried this, tried to walk alone inside this pit of danger, no help or any other source, walk alone, keep everything to myself and just get through this 4 more years of college and maybe another 2 more years for masters. i tried and its working well, even now its working well. i feel good, powerful, feeling that the power and the determination within me is getting me through this. but no one can always stand alone, but i guess till the day i fall, ill just be looking for a best friend or somewat a good friend. so i ask the question because everytime i call, it seems like you are the only one out of mostly everyone else other than CALANTHEA that picks up. its like i feel the connection maybe not love wise but as a friend, i think we can talk, but sometimes thats not the case, you know why. but so i just want to ask if we can still be friends and if i can actually call you and talk and chat and you can call me and talk and chat but not make you feel annoying or uncomfortable. or do you want me out of the picture.