the quiet
i guess ill start of by saying this is going to be long, i just watched the movie "the quiet" by elisha cuthert and camilla belle who are by the way my 2 favourite actress.and i watched it af home on dvd alone. after the movie i found out that in the movie "dot" this girl that after her father passed away lied to everyone and be deaf and mute which in reality is not true, she did it so she thought she could be closer to her father. she was deaf and mute until the end....everyone thought she was deaf so they told her thier deepest secrets knowing that she cant hear but getting it out of thier body made them feel better. well, enought of that. point being, after the movie or in between the movie, i found myself similiar to "dot" although i talk and listen. but i dont talk to anyone about my secrets and my problems. i dont think i ever did. just regular boy and girl stuff and my mom and stuff and my life, but thats about it. i think i never really told someone more than that. iv been keeping it to myself all the time. especially now when im here in U.S, i go to work and come home tired and sleep and do work and just manage to get to college and bs to my grandmother and mother, other than that, i dont really talk about thigns in school. and i just saw her pictures again, i dunno why, but since we have not even been together, why can i feel a pain in my heart everytime i see her picture. i dont get it. i know im in love with her, but shouldnt it be a mind thing and since we are not even close to being together how could i feel so much pain in my heart everytime i look at that smile on her face knowing that she is happy. i dunno....should i just start to shut up right now? and not talk anymore? dont leave any comments for this post cause its going to be all those, "come on la kingston dont be like that la..." all those bull crap.....iv been wondering, wat if i just took off and never come back whether its california or singapore or malaysia or taiwan. jst leave to somewhere else. all by myself. cause im so often used to this loneliness to my self and sometimes i like it dunno why.....maybe cause its all quiet...iv tried to catch up with society right now and give up and move on with life to find another girl. but sometimes i get this desperation feeling that i want this girl or that girl in my school but after i come home and looked at her(sw)'s pictures i find out that i dont really even like those girls in school, its just a rush, but to sw i can be slow, i can wait, but everytime i see her i get this knife stabed in my heart....ya..cal and yt and whoever can come bullshit to me this and that but hey, people are different. different feelings go to different people, dont say you understand it, its all different. i dunno, my heart hurts now really hurting....tears are even trying to come out. i dunno why i feel pain, i mean she said she dont have feelings for me than fine, ill get out her life, but i cant, my soul still wins the battle over my mind. its like a 80%-20% i cant win it.....im lost....but this post is jsut to make me feel better...so ya...i think im going to just shut up and not talk in school and at home now adays when its not my problem.......just be the QUIET..........
posted by kingston @ 2:39 PM
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