WOW. WOW. WOW

WOW!

The deep thoughts sinking into the brain late at night needing to spill out into words and so logged on to the blogger site and BAM!

"I have a blog?"

WOW!

"I had a blog that i totally forgot!"

Well, all my thoughts of evil, darkness, stress and every other excuse of blaming this world for everything just disappeared like thin air.

Now i just want to sleep.

Ill be back tomorrow. and Yes, i will be back. Tomorrow

this is us?

either its emotions building up, or just that im wierd.

but i think its because i always keep things to myself and i dont express it out and say it out and share it out like other people do. thats why im the way i am now.

but i dont have the privilege like others do to have friends that they can chat till 3am about a girl or a guy they just met,

about school,

about life,

about parents,

about dreams,

and maybe its excuses, lame excuses from running away from the truth.

but this time, i dont even have the balls to step up and make a move.

i think its cause im scared,

im tired,

im sick of getting rejected,

im sick of awkward moments,

im sick of thinking about things like that,

a good friend once said, when love comes, you cant even stop it.

a good friend also once said, if its meant to be, it will happen.

another good friend also once said, time will tell.

but i think its time i accepted the truth, accept faith and destiny and accept what iv become.

a lonely, single, self minded, childish, man.

i might not come back again,

i might not see you again,

i might just walk away forever,

i might just pass up this chance between us,

but i dont have the sign and i have too much to lose.

im sorry.

Am i sick?

8 years ago, i fell in love with ou when i first met you, but you were attached, and 8 years later, the feelings are starting to come back now that you are single....should i tell you? or should i just walk away and maybe someday regret this decision.

April! 2 months and 87 days till 21!!

And so we have come to April, the month of Easter, April Fools Month that officially kicks of Summer sorta......a catch up real quick

1) girl problem- no more, just rather leave and move on

2) work- AWesome as usual

3) vacation- want to go back to taiwan and singapore of course, every year i dream about it

4) electronics- bought a mac book and its AWESOME!!! now i want a imac, iphone, ipad

5) money- eh, need to spend less.

Ill be back again alyve, i swear, ill post more. im sorry im not posting enough my dear blog... :(

ATO

Fraternity ATO.

Sometimes girls just not meant to be.

Feb 14th 2010, Best and Worst Valentines day ever.

So, with all the drama, work, school going on.....from last blog till now.....

valentines day arrived....
before this i met this girl, pretty, well-mannered,polite, kind, heart of an angel.
she plays basketball,loves techo, purple,hangout,sleep,people person.

iv only seen her on the basketball court, no where else, so i found her name and facebooked her.(kinda lame but yes)

Her name was Alyssa.

Sunday feb 14th 2010. i woke up bright and early still pondering and scratching my head as to if i should ask her out on a date on V-day. i did, i went to the florist and got some CUSTOMIZED flowers and went to her dorms and left it downstairs because outsiders cant enter. 1 second later i facebooked her to check her mail downstairs. she did. and she texted me.

Alyssa:" thanks for the flowers, it was really sweet of you"
me: i hope it brightened your day"
Alyssa: it sure did"
.........................conversation went on and in the end i got her to go on a date with me and we watched valentines day the movie and ate dinner. AND found out that we are in the same japanses class so that means iv known her for more than a month and we dont even know..lol..than i took her back.right after i left i texted her something that no guys should text to a girl(thats whateveryone says)

me: "i hope you had a fun night, i dont do this often and you are actually the first girl to say that it is okay to hang out on V-day"
Alyssa: "Yeah! i had a great time! thanks for the wonderful night!"
me:" you wanna hang out tommrrow?"
Alyssa:"

no she did not reply that message.

the next day feb 15th 10.59a.m
me:"hey"
Alyssa:"

8.00p.m
Alyssa:"oh hey im sry i didnt reply to your text, been sleeping literally all day"
me:"oh its cool, hows your head?"
.............................went on and on and on....and she fell asleep after that.
at that point in time, i think i have fallen for her.maybe im "exzerrating" but i do believe love at first sight.

later on tuesday i saw her working in the library.
later on wednesday we had class and we ate lunch. during lunch she asked
Alyssa: "are you done with class?"
me: "nope"
Alyssa: "you have a class after this?"
me: "nope"
Alyssa:" ?????"
me:" i skipped class today.
Alyssa:" y?"
me:" cause i wanted to have lunch with you."

at that point i think i might have rushed a bit, maybe too much.

at that night she palyed bball and her team won and thursday she had to go to arizona to see a friend, and i didnt want this weekend of not seeing each other or talking be a barrier, so i decided to let her know because 4 days in arizona aint gonna change her feelings if she already has abit of feelings for me maybe not as much as i have for her. so after her game.........and she already she has a ride to the airport the next day

me: hey:)
alyssa: hey whatsup
me: i just got off work early cause too many people working, you ate?
alyssa: yeah im just gonna go back up and see more games
me: you going out tonight?
alyssa" yeap!
me: what am i gonna do the next 4 days without sunshine?
alyssa: party!
me: its not the same without you....
alyssa:

she didnt reply....

thursday feb 18th 2010 1p.m
alyssa: hey are you busy today? i need a ride to the airport
me: sure you done with school?
alyssa: yes i need to get there at 3.15
me: lunch? i just got out
alyssa: im eating and drinking with some friends now.
me:.........what time you want to leave?
alyssa: oh its okay, i got another ride, thanks tho.
me: well im still free just incase something comes up, have fun and have a safe trip!!!
......at that point, thousands of knive hit my heart and stabbed, twisted, and it bled. like hell.

i thought to myself, is it just my fate that everytime i fall for someone, it just isint meant to be?
y? y does others have a chance to experience love and for me, its just failure after failure after failure.
alyssa has slowly dug a hole in my heart....little does she realize.....

so this weekend is boring.....lonely...just as the same other weekend for the past month before V-day....
well lets hope things turn around this coming week!!!!!!!!!

Jan 26th 2010

why the hell is everything on Jan 26th 2010, iv never seen it like this before

I have to complete 2 of my homework by Jan 26th
The milk that i just bought for cereal expires on jan 26th
And well we know whos birthday is on Jan 26th

and i believe im going to see more theses couples days...

is that a sign?